Trust and Forgiveness
There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without loveBryant H. Mcgill
Trust and Forgiveness
Trust and forgiveness are two very strong words. Two very powerful words. Trust and forgiveness is part of life in all of your relationships. How do you forgive? How do you trust again?
We have heard it time and time again. “If there is no trust, then there is no relationship,” and “If you chose to forgive, that wipes the slate clean.”
Well those sentiments are true if you life in a world where everyone only wears rose-colored glasses.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship. And I whole-hardheartedly believe in forgiveness. I mean, Jesus Christ forgives all of our sins, who am I not to offer forgiveness? Who is anyone not to offer forgiveness, correct?
I do not agree with the sentiments above. I do not think once you forgive someone the slate is wiped clean. And I think it takes a long time to regain that trust. But what do you do in the mean time?
Trust and Forgiveness ~ How to?
1 Corinthians 13:7
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespassesMatthew 6:14-15
Give yourself time
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process
Do not use it as a weapon
Once you chose to forgive someone for whatever reason, you can’t use that incident as a weapon. I am not saying that incident is not up for discussion again, I am just saying, that in the future you can’t use it against the person.
Talk about it
Talk about it with the person who hurt you, talk about it with a counselor, talk about it with a close friend. Sometimes saying something out loud to another person puts the whole situation into another perspective.
Know it doesn’t happen overnight
It is not a magical thing. Just because you chose to forgive, does not mean that you automatically have complete trust again. It could take days, it could take months, hell it can even take years.
Chose to forgive
First you have to make the choice to forgive because you can start the healing process and trusting again. Once you make this choice though, you can’t label yourself as the victim anymore. You have to go into it with eyes wide-open.
Set boundaries – NOT ultimatums
Be very clear what your expectations are and what you are willing to accept from this point forward. And stay true to that.
Consider the alternative
What would your life be like without this person? Is that something you can picture? Is that something you are willing to give up? Most people will say no. You have invested time and your heart into this person. You will find that giving up is a lot harder than forgiveness and trust.
Communication is the key. I know another cliche comment. But this one holds true. If you feel like something is triggering a reaction that is making you want to open old wounds, than speak up. Tell your partner your feelings.
Is it Easy? Short answer, NO
Trust and forgiveness is not easy. Some days are better and some days are not. The cliches I mentions above; wiping the slate clean, trust is the foundation, are important. However, rarely achievable. It is a process. Some things you can do to help facilitate trust and forgiveness are:
- write it down
- openly talk to your significant other about it
- seek counseling
Check out some of my past blogs about marriage and relationships
I also love this blog post on active listening. I will post link here. His entire blog is full of amazing post!
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